♥ ♥ rainbow town ♥ ♥

BlogYYY

Saturday, November 01, 2008,2:27 AM

2 more days.

cindy! halos!

perhaps people begin to think about how m i now. nervous with exams? stressed up by results? depressed by parents' scolding? tormented by friends' cold shoulder? presurized by my outstanding sister's eq? disappointed with my own wrongdoings?

i m determined to conquered all these.

all have confronted me at the same time though, i will not give up. i have my new set of principles i wish to follow tightly with. perhaps people may think i m silly to think about all these now as these crucial period is my examination preparation period. i felt strongly that if i dont have the right set of values, the wrong set of philosophy, i will eventually end up as a loser. i thought through a lot these days. i m sure i have caused a lot inconvinence to many. but how to make all these 'already inconvinent' spent worthwhile on me, that's to stay strong and face the music.

yiwen is correct today. i have a super obstinate behaviour. although sometimes i promise to change but nothing came out. i would just repeat the same mistake repeatedly. so what's the point of telling me. she will still constantly tell me what's wrong that's because she knows that i m a absent-minded person that always need constant reminders. but others might not have this strength to and guess what, i finally agree.

i decide not to be a coward and keep running. zhongri may be right. though i m someone whom constantly says how much i treasure my friends, i dont show it. why? this is because i have changed. i was someone who really deeply believe in forever friends and i still do. i remembered when i was depressed during april, after i got back my common test results. i wanted a dropout. i wanted to escape. i was so stressed to the extent i want to bid goodbye. but he was the one that spurred me on. he reprimanded me for being so abrupt. he said i was too silly to give up after 1 yr and a half effort. i still have the good 5 months to fight. why should i give up. besides saying that he introduced me the first song : "No Secret - I'll remember you" the song was from post orientation 1 video. it has such a deafening effect that it eradicated my idea of leaving school. but what did i do when he needs me during the prelim examination period? what did i do when he knocked onto the table in the library? what did i do when i feel awkward and dont dare to face him when i did something wrong?

the answer is disappointedly; i was resting at home after my 1 week diahorrea without explaining to him; i laughed; i blocked him in MSN. what m i doing? i guessed i shocked him as well. so do i deserved his distrust? why not?

nevertheless, i dont feel like quitting being his friend. it is a blessed to have such a friend. that's why i m responsible to such for the results why he cannot forgive me slowing earn back my trust.

i cant depend on others reminders everytime. i will shoo them away. in fact the whole of my study group inclusive of seokhoon, whom is super tolerant on me, and yanbing, whom still shows me support, had already gave me their limit and i m super grateful. these days i must also thank yiwen for being with me. and also zhongri, who still try to play the 'bad guy'. i want to thank all of you letting me know the importance of growing up. I MISS MY STUDY GROUP! and i m determined to get them back.

after that comes my parents. they are more demanding now i understand. that's also because i m growing up i m aware. i m expected of about lots of things. especially health and wealth management. i love my mom. but sometimes i really felt that she could be kinder with her words with all of us. she tends to be a machine i agree. she work in and out and allow us to stay in comfy. she is the best mother in the world. ^^ sometimes i really hope that she could dont throw her status as our mother and order us to do things. she can tell us nicely though. she is still loving enough. mommy pls trust us and put us at home next year if your want to go abroad with papa okay? we are 16s and 18s. can handle our life for the few days le. ^^ dont put us at da jiu mu's place pls.

my sister's issue is more or less settled.

now i m set for a level's.

mdm toh was right. in fact a lot of our teachers told us before. a level's is the most tormenting period. i feel exhausted easily recently. i m still pressing on till the last minute though i am fully aware that i wont get the best results, but i wont get the lousiest. jia you cindy!

oh my, it 2.27am le.

got to get some sleep le. i m meeting yiwen tml morning.

goodnight!

Labels: 'a' levels, repent